Excuse me, sir, where are your nuts?

By Joshua Johnson, 08/08/2007

By now everyone is aware that my wife is pregnant, and at this moment she is a very uncomfortable 9-months pregnant. With that sense of discomfort comes an added responsibility for me. It makes me do tasks otherwise assigned to her, or in many cases tasks which we shared responsibility for, such as grocery shopping alone. Typically, my wife our kids and I all go to the grocery store every Saturday morning. With the kids in tote, we gallivant around the store, following our fearless leader - my wife. This is where my recent dilemma came in, thus producing this story.

Knowing I have very little knowledge as to where items are placed throughout the store, I began my shopping the other day, knowing I was going to have to ask store employees where items are located every other minute. As my list began to diminish, I came across a certain item that I knew was going to baffle me. Brazilian Nuts…let me say it again, Brazilian Nuts. Who eats these little nuts from Brazil? Who you ask. My pregnant wife that is who. As I began to look for a person to ask my question to I received a call from my wife. She was emphatically telling me I had to get those nuts because she had been craving them all night and must have them. I told her I was on it and not to worry. I hung up the phone and proceeded to search throughout the store.

As I walked throughout the store I became more and more rattled. Searching for someone to help me, I spotted my aide, the person I was going to ask for help. There was a nice assuming man standing in the isle two rows down from me. He was quietly placing items on a shelf and had no idea the question I was about to ask him. As I walked up to this young man, I began to realize this guy was rather large, probably 6 feet 5 inches or so and easily weighing 250 pounds. By now, I am completely preoccupied with the urgency of my wife’s request and the fear that this store would not have her requested item.

As quick as I could I walked up to this man and excused myself, "Excuse me sir, where are your nuts?" . . . Yup, I sure did. I asked this guy where I could find his nuts. I immediately froze, possibly thinking he could not see me or even better, he didn’t hear my request. No luck, he stopped what he was doing and slowly put the items in his hands back on the cart. Then with a slight smile, he raised his rather large arm and pointed in the opposite direction, saying "Isle 12". I gave him my thanks and quickly walked away.

As I paid for those Brazilian Nuts that day I reflected on a very valuable lesson: Never, ever ask another man where you could find his- well just don’t ever ask about nuts. If you can’t find them just assume there aren’t any. I know I should of.